How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
