I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
