I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it hurts more in the daytime
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
