Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
