Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
