All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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