I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
