im about as happy as oj after his trial
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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