the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
