In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
