my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize