I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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