these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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