My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
