OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my sisters under your porch take her home
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
