Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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