He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize