I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
