so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
