How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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