How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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