The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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