I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
