the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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