somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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