Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
