I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
