i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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