Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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