my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
