Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
