yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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