I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
