Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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