i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
