I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
