he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
