I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
