Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
