you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
