Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
