And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize