Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
