I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
