She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
