first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
