I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize