sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
