I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
