Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
