it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
