Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
