I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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