Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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