Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Say something about gay babies.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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