After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
