My first STD was from a foam party
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
