sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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