sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
