im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
