Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
