You're earring is so big in my mouth
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They have beer where we have blood.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
