I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
