just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
