Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
