Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
