Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
