I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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