I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
