During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
