she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
