so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
