3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
