if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
