Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize