I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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